Is Civility Dead? Part II – “The Sounds of Silence”

No, I am not referring to Simon and Garfunkel’s hit of the 1960s — I’m referring to the growing lack of response, courtesy and manners some people display when conversing via e-mail.

In an earlier blog, I discussed the overall demise of common courtesy our society seems to have deemed acceptable. Technology continues to grow as the main mode of communication, and in many ways that’s a good thing.

But it doesn’t give license to abandoning good manners and professionalism. It’s frustrating and disappointing that it seems to be “ok” to ignore an e-mail when the message has been sent once, twice and even three times.

Apparently, I’m not the only person who feels this way. The issue was recently reported by The New York Times in an article titled “Anyone There?” in which the writer examines what happens to our relationships when we choose to be silent.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/17/fashion/when-your-e-mail-goes-unanswered.html?pagewanted=all

 

Some will blame it on technology, but I say that’s an excuse. We’ve all heard, “ I never saw this e-mail” or “ it must have gone to spam.” Really? With most of us totally wired between computers, laptops, cell phones and iPads, I find that hard to believe. I guess that’s why so many are now asking for e-mail receipts.

 

Yes, e-mails get caught in spam. Yes, life gets in the way of an instant response. Yes, we plan to get back to e-mails and forget. But in too many cases it’s just easier not to answer, especially when the subject matter is delicate or difficult.

It has nothing to do with technology. That’s just plain old bad manners and no matter what the reason, there’s no excuse. Just say no, not interested, write you soon, or not now, but say something. Life is built on relationships and to develop good ones we need to communicate and communicate effectively, regardless of the news we have to share.
Good manners and being civil to one another is a good way to start.

Is Civility Dead?

NBC’s “The Today Show” recently aired a series titled “Is Civility Dead,” raising the question of whether or not our society has moved beyond placing value on decorum, politeness, and collegiality to one that thrives on ill manners, hostility, anger, and inappropriate behavior. Sadly, I would have to agree that we are moving towards the latter.
From outbursts on reality TV, on the senate floor and on the tennis court, to hiding behind e-mails (because it’s easier than having the face-to-face conversation), texting and answering cell phones while having dinner with friends, and forgetting that the words “please” and “thank you” exist, the question is — have we gone too far?
Technology, the Internet, and social media play an enormous role in our ongoing communication today and are certainly beneficial. But at the same time, technology and humanity appear to be coming more and more polarized.
In my opinion, perhaps we have gone too far. Yet, I also believe that many of us have unconsciously — not intentionally — fallen into this trap of impulsive and rude behavior and can turn things around.
I propose that we start to focus on engaging with each other in a more positive fashion by saying “please” and “thank you” more often and by holding the door for someone behind you. Acknowledge to our families and friends that they are important to us by looking up from the computer once in a while and by turning off the cell phone during dinner. Take a minute to pick up the phone to communicate in real-time rather than sending an e-mail and respond to correspondence in a timely manner. (Silence can be deafening!)
Gratitude and good manners relate to humility, while rude behavior and ignorance relate to arrogance and insensitivity. Good communications skills, simple words of kindness and positive human interaction are powerful tools. They can foster an environment of trust and go a long way in successfully building bridges between people, organizations, institutions and governments.
Without these tools, any efforts to produce viable personal and working relationships will be seriously compromised.

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